Noticing Energy (a lesson in reserving judgement)
When I am in a conversation with someone who is really excited, or really upset, I can easily get swept along with them in the moment. Then, later, I step back and start thinking about the situation, what was said, and I realize I didn’t really notice all that was going on. (And probably responded poorly, over-promised, or took a general frustration personally).
Through mentors and books I’ve gone through recently there is this theme of reserving judgment that seems to match maturity and wisdom in these situations. It is this ability see a “high energy” conversation developing and put your responses on hold until you can calm down and let your mind engage. It is the presence of mind to sense when there is hurt directed at you that isn’t about you. When to value someone who is excited but not over-promise or feel like you have to agree in the moment.
Personally, I am still learning how to have this sort of wisdom available as I respond in “high energy” situations. (I didn’t get the nickname of “t-bone crusher” on my team by accident.) But it has turned into a little mantra; “Slow to Judge, Quick to Love.” When I can get that through my head – I switch into the mode of just capturing everything and seeking to value the person in the conversation as much as possible.
How do you navigate high energy situations?
PUAHAHAHAA>
t-bone crusher. i’m tweeting that.
yeah – you can thank Terry Storch for that gem.
Having the “presence of mind to sense when there is hurt directed at you that isn’t about you”, is an attitude that doesn’t come naturally, but it’s so important, especially in the closest relationships around us. Often when we are hurt or afraid, we lash out at the people closest to us (especially family members) just because they’re right there in front of us. Great post, T-bone.
I’d love to know the books that you’ve read that touch on this subject. It is something I struggle with as well.
A leadership book we read at LifeChurch.tv called “The Servant” is one, the lessons of leveraging and being aware of ignorance found in Dr. Taleb’s “Black Swan” is another.
I had this situation play out in my life over this last two weeks. It involved a call from a long time friend and I was swept up in their emotional turmoil only to find out later that it was partly brought on themselves and my response didn’t need to be “poor you” but “get help”.
Great post Tony, but to be fair, every time I see you on twitter now I’m going to think T-Bone & then I’m going to want a steak & and then I’m going to gain more weight. I hope you’re comfortable with this post shortening my life span.
It’s okay. I realize you are just hungry and that you aren’t really upset with me leading you to an awesome steak dinner. lol.